Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Evelyn's Time

Rachael Harrie's 4th Campaign 200-word Flash Short Story is in session.  I must say I did all requested.  I've posted 200 words, exactly, beginning with "Shadows crept across the wall," used the word "orange," and ended with "everything faded."

                                                             

Evelyn’s Time

Shadows crept across the wall as evening approached, an all too familiar sign that another day drew nigh.  Evelyn’s soft wrinkled face shone with disappointment as the orange glow of the sun faded on the horizon.  She lay quiet as one small tear escaped from the corner of her eye.  Memories were all she had left to share with anyone willing to sit and listen, but no one ever came.

Everyone bustled in the hallways as she turned her eyes  toward the sounds of squeaking wheelchairs, footsteps shuffling along with walkers on the newly waxed tiles.  They were all scurrying to the dinner hall. Evelyn waited patiently for assistance, too weak to walk on her own.  The years had been kind to her, but her bones were too fragile and she fell often.

Her family rarely visited, except for holidays and her birthday. Evelyn would be one hundred tomorrow and looked forward to their visit.  Time is precious to those who have reached its end, unending to those who are too young to know its importance, and wasted by those who don’t understand its value.

As she laid patiently waiting, a bright light appeared.  Silently she exhaled, and everything faded.

34 comments:

Michelle Pickett said...

So very poignant. I could feel her sadness. Nice job.

Michelle
www.michelle-pickett.com

KSCollier said...

Thank you Michelle. I just visited my 83-year-old aunt who is in assisted living, and it is very much this way. My son-in-law's mother passed a couple of days ago, and well, I guess this put me in a poignant mood.

Alyssa said...

I really like this one. Sad but very well written. Great job! :)

I'm #37

David P. King said...

An emotionally driven piece. Nice one! :)

Morgan said...

Ohhh... breaks my heart. No one should feel loneliness... not ever. Loved the originality of this piece... well written ;)

YelenaC said...

Wow, you really got the feelings of sadness and loneliness across. Beautifully done!

I'm #36.

Ann Cory said...

Emotion-packed and bittersweet - well done :)

J.C. Martin said...

OMG, what a poetic, sad story! It was beautifully done! Good job!

Krista M said...

A very sad ending. Great entry!

Nick Wilford said...

You really captured the sadness. It gave me pause for thought!

Lori Ann Freeland said...

So sad but so true for some people.

Lady Gwen said...

Poignant and evocative. A very sad ending to life for too many. Great writing here. She almost made it to 100! I'm #52 and a new follower:)

Liza said...

So sad...such truths in there. Well done. (Number 112)

kmckendry said...

Beautifully done! My grandpa is 90 and although he is still relatively active, he gets depressed about how fast his body is fading and how time is running out.

Bess Weatherby said...

Oh this is beautiful. So sad and poignant. It hurts my heart!

C.B. Wentworth said...

Beautiful and elegant writing! It reaches right into the heart.

Sally said...

This hits the spot because we all know older relatives in this situation - well written with compassion.

Laurie Buchanan said...

I do a lot of volunteer work in a nursing home and this hits the target bullseye!

Laurie Buchanan, entry #92

Humpty Dumpty said...

You've painted a pretty accurate picture of what it's like in those senior's/nursing homes. Its sad to think of the old folks sitting around or stuck in their beds, waiting for family who never visit. You've captured the scene beautifully.

Brenna Braaten said...

You've been tagged! http://iwriteandread.blogspot.com/2012/02/wip-wednesday-week-3-and-tag-youre-it.html

Ashley Nixon said...

This makes me sad. :( Very well written, I wish she hadn't passed away.

Jamie McHenry said...

Oh, a little tug on my heart. Nicely written.

Traci Kenworth said...

And you're tagged!! http://www.tracikenworth.wordpress.com

kmckendry said...

I'm here to let you know you've been chosen to move on to the second round! Congratulations! :)

KSCollier said...

Kmckendry thank you for the notification. I'll check it out.

Kathy

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. I enjoyed reading all of them. Actually, I still have a few to go, but I have read most of them.
I thought they were all ingeniously written.

bridget said...

so sad. mine is #71

Claire L. Fishback said...

Thank you for stopping by to read my story! I'm glad you liked it!

Your story is so touching and sad and memorable. You paint a beautiful picture.

Clarbojahn said...

You did a good job creating the scene of a nursing home and a good job in the character of a one hundred year old lady prone to falls. I felt for her. You did a good job in 200 words.

Thanks for liking my story number 181 about Please don't eat my toes ok?
Thanks for visiting my blog. :)

Anstice Potts said...

Aww this is so sad. Your writing was very effective in making me empathise with Evelyn. The treatment of the elderly is an issue very close to my heart, and you captured the hurt they must feel when they are ignored and abandoned.

I love this line, it's so true: "Time is precious to those who have reached its end, unending to those who are too young to know its importance, and wasted by those who don’t understand its value."

Cherie Reich said...

Aww! Such a sad story! Great job!

Traci Kenworth said...

LOVE the story. So sad. I can imagine time running through your fingers like that.

Elizabeth Twist said...

I liked the way you played out the information about who Evelyn is and where she is. Reading the story was like a slow realization.

KSCollier said...

Thank you all for your responses to the story. I appreciate all your kindness. I believe all the stories were so interesting,and I loved them.

C.M.Brown said...

A sad and lonely story!