Rachael Harrie's 4th Campaign 200-word Flash Short Story is in session. I must say I did all requested. I've posted 200 words, exactly, beginning with "Shadows crept across the wall," used the word "orange," and ended with "everything faded."
Evelyn’s Time
Shadows crept across the wall as evening approached, an all too familiar sign that another day drew nigh. Evelyn’s soft wrinkled face shone with disappointment as the orange glow of the sun faded on the horizon. She lay quiet as one small tear escaped from the corner of her eye. Memories were all she had left to share with anyone willing to sit and listen, but no one ever came.
Everyone bustled in the hallways as she turned her eyes toward the sounds of squeaking wheelchairs, footsteps shuffling along with walkers on the newly waxed tiles. They were all scurrying to the dinner hall. Evelyn waited patiently for assistance, too weak to walk on her own. The years had been kind to her, but her bones were too fragile and she fell often.
Her family rarely visited, except for holidays and her birthday. Evelyn would be one hundred tomorrow and looked forward to their visit. Time is precious to those who have reached its end, unending to those who are too young to know its importance, and wasted by those who don’t understand its value.
As she laid patiently waiting, a bright light appeared. Silently she exhaled, and everything faded.
34 comments:
So very poignant. I could feel her sadness. Nice job.
Michelle
www.michelle-pickett.com
Thank you Michelle. I just visited my 83-year-old aunt who is in assisted living, and it is very much this way. My son-in-law's mother passed a couple of days ago, and well, I guess this put me in a poignant mood.
I really like this one. Sad but very well written. Great job! :)
I'm #37
An emotionally driven piece. Nice one! :)
Ohhh... breaks my heart. No one should feel loneliness... not ever. Loved the originality of this piece... well written ;)
Wow, you really got the feelings of sadness and loneliness across. Beautifully done!
I'm #36.
Emotion-packed and bittersweet - well done :)
OMG, what a poetic, sad story! It was beautifully done! Good job!
A very sad ending. Great entry!
You really captured the sadness. It gave me pause for thought!
So sad but so true for some people.
Poignant and evocative. A very sad ending to life for too many. Great writing here. She almost made it to 100! I'm #52 and a new follower:)
So sad...such truths in there. Well done. (Number 112)
Beautifully done! My grandpa is 90 and although he is still relatively active, he gets depressed about how fast his body is fading and how time is running out.
Oh this is beautiful. So sad and poignant. It hurts my heart!
Beautiful and elegant writing! It reaches right into the heart.
This hits the spot because we all know older relatives in this situation - well written with compassion.
I do a lot of volunteer work in a nursing home and this hits the target bullseye!
Laurie Buchanan, entry #92
You've painted a pretty accurate picture of what it's like in those senior's/nursing homes. Its sad to think of the old folks sitting around or stuck in their beds, waiting for family who never visit. You've captured the scene beautifully.
You've been tagged! http://iwriteandread.blogspot.com/2012/02/wip-wednesday-week-3-and-tag-youre-it.html
This makes me sad. :( Very well written, I wish she hadn't passed away.
Oh, a little tug on my heart. Nicely written.
And you're tagged!! http://www.tracikenworth.wordpress.com
I'm here to let you know you've been chosen to move on to the second round! Congratulations! :)
Kmckendry thank you for the notification. I'll check it out.
Kathy
Thank you everyone for your kind comments. I enjoyed reading all of them. Actually, I still have a few to go, but I have read most of them.
I thought they were all ingeniously written.
so sad. mine is #71
Thank you for stopping by to read my story! I'm glad you liked it!
Your story is so touching and sad and memorable. You paint a beautiful picture.
You did a good job creating the scene of a nursing home and a good job in the character of a one hundred year old lady prone to falls. I felt for her. You did a good job in 200 words.
Thanks for liking my story number 181 about Please don't eat my toes ok?
Thanks for visiting my blog. :)
Aww this is so sad. Your writing was very effective in making me empathise with Evelyn. The treatment of the elderly is an issue very close to my heart, and you captured the hurt they must feel when they are ignored and abandoned.
I love this line, it's so true: "Time is precious to those who have reached its end, unending to those who are too young to know its importance, and wasted by those who don’t understand its value."
Aww! Such a sad story! Great job!
LOVE the story. So sad. I can imagine time running through your fingers like that.
I liked the way you played out the information about who Evelyn is and where she is. Reading the story was like a slow realization.
Thank you all for your responses to the story. I appreciate all your kindness. I believe all the stories were so interesting,and I loved them.
A sad and lonely story!
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